Best Buys

When size always matters, amongst other places

Okay,

Q: guess which Mortar and Pestle cost more money?  Both are marble, both are made in China, both come with no warranty.  One came from a GloboStore (BBaB), one from a sick ass Asian market with super cheap prices for huge mortar and pestles. Which is which?  Is green better than grey?  What do y'all think?

A: The Green One. It was like $20!  I just saw and bought the giant grey one for $12 at some crappy Asian market on Santa Clara Street (it was a fine market, just not great).  I even told the owner that he should shop the eff around, but he was so geeked up on being cheaper than Albertsons!  "Bro, look at their coconut water!  Its like $0.30 more expensive!  Can you believe that Bro?"

"Yeah.  But this is like $15 too cheap, not like some silly drink."

"Bro! Its the same!  See what I mean?!"

"Um, yeah? Or, no?"

Hey Bro, thanks for the discounted Mortar and Pestle. 

Moral: Go to ethnic markets for esoteric shit like mortars and pestles.

God Made Anchovies for Me

Substitutes only serve to remind you that you do not have the object of your desire

I don't know if I've said it before here, but I'll say it again for the first time: don't fucking kid yourself about Paleo substitutes.  Spaghetti squash does not a spaghetti dish make.  Some bullshit crust doesn't satisfy like a sweet Wig & Pen "Flying Tomato" or Rusty's thin crust pizza.  Paleo alternatives pale in comparison;  they simply suck, and that only leads to more feelings of deprivation, which then leads to more junk food, because, seriously, why kid yourself?

With that being said, I have had a spaghetti squash for a while and simply wanted to use it, but I had no good ideas off the top of my head (having never made one before) so I went for the pasta substitute.  Unfortunately, it was a disaster, and then I did it again with a different sauce.  Insanely disastrous.  Live and don't learn, I guess.

Anchovy Pasta Sauce

This sauce is paleo and by itself, or on pasta, it is the effing truth.  Take 3-4T of olive oil, 3/2t crushed red pepper, 7 coarsely minced garlic cloves, and saute with salt (small amount now) and fresh cracked pepper.  Add a can of anchovies, oil and all.  Saute until they dissolve into the oil (literally).  Add two huge spoonfuls of capers and an 8oz can of tomato sauce.  Simmer briefly.

This is a rip off of a classic Italian dish.  Try it with fresh tomatoes, olives, mushrooms, or artichokes.  Also, try melting a hard cheese into it prior to tossing with traditional spaghetti.  (As an aside, traditional Italian cooking always ends up seeming way more oily than Americanized food, and as a supplemental aside, it is virtually always tastier).

My roommate's gf, who claims to hate anchovies, conceded that this sauce was re-donk.  With the spaghetti squash? It was fucking horrible.  I seriously only ate like 6 bites.

Chocolaty Beef Jerky

And that French Guy thought this would be disgusting...

This is just a marinade recipe that works wonders for beef jerkey:

• 2T Tamarind
• 2T Water
• 2T Apple cider vinegar
• 1T Garlic chili sauce
• 1 1/2T Dehydrated onion
• Salt and pepper to taste 
• 1T Cocoa powder

Marinade and dehydrate.  This is the bomb.

Addendum: This rose eyebrows at work and at the gym.  Super bomb, can't wait to get more meat!

Hobo Costco Paleo Special: Salmon and Capers

If you have a Costco card, you can make this over and over and over and over...

The things I bought at Costco were: canned salmon (bear and wolf), baby bella mushrooms, capers, and spinach.  On a previous trip I got olive oil, dehyrated onions, granulated garlic, and pepper, both red and black.  Spike, this one is for you.

Hobo Salmon and Capers
Take about 2T of olive oil, add a T of crushed red peppers, 2T dehydrated onions, 1/3c water, lots of ground pepper, 3 huge pinches of salt, and 1/2t ground mustard, 3T of capers, and 1/2t granulated garlic.  Saute for a little while.  Add some mushrooms, cut in half, saute for 10-12 minutes.  Add can of salmon.  Suate covered for as long as it takes to make spinach.

Make spinach in a seperate pot in olive oil, salt and pepper.

Serve one on top of the other.  This is amazing.

Tamarind, Turkey and Spinach

Add salt and pepper, olive oil, red pepper, tomato sauce, and you have a feast!  Delicious.

Thats it.

Pasta Sauce

There are lots and lots of veggies in this, and this is very easy and delicious

Saute 4 cloves of minced garlic and a diced onion.  Add 1t basil, oregano, ground sage, black pepper, cayenne pepper, granulated garlic and thyme.  Add tons of olive oil.  Saute 1p ground turkey.  Add a whole, cut up cauliflower head.  Cover and cook for about 15-20 minutes.  Add a bag of arugala, add four cut up tomatoes.  Saute for 8 minutes. Add a can of tomato suace.  Saute till done.  This was awesome.

Addendum: This was inspired by talk at sectionals by my fellow Crossfittermen that they missed both cereal and pasta since subscribing to the Paleo.

Mustard Eggs

Eggs, better with dijion mustard for some reason

Y'all know I hate to post egg recipes but this one was a decent border break-down.  This is a bunch of asparagus sauted in olive oil with 6 garlic cloves and red pepper.  It is also about 4-5 scrambled eggs mixed with dijion mustard and hot suace with salt and pepper.  It was awesome.  Also good with avocados.

Two Days On

This little puppy was crocked for 38 hours in only two cups of water

So sure, two days is forty eight hours, but that is close enough for a deceptive blog post, right? 

Here was the strategy for St. Paddy's Day's corned beef: crock it, cook veggies seperate, combine and devour.  Unfortunately, it got a little out of control and it became an exercise in meat preperation management.  I got home too late to make this last night, but still wanted an awesome dish, so thank science for the "warm" setting.  This was on low for 15+ hours and then warm for the next day.

Post-Paddy's Day Corned Beef

In a huge soup pot, take 5 cloves of garlic and mince.  Dice an onion.  Here is my big creative idea to make this dish better: add a ton of crushed red pepper.  Saute for 5 minutes in spicy olive oil.  Add 2/3p cut up carrots, and saute covered for 10 minutes.  Slice up a whole head of cabbage, add as much liquid as possible from the crock to the pot, add some supplemental pepper corn and bay leaves.  Simmer covered for 20 minutes.  Then put the corned beef over it and simmer covered for another 5 minutes.  You can just use a pair of tongs to serve from this pot.  It is awesome, I wish it was available more often!

Stella' Head

Great Head

According to my guy CD, I don't give good head because I pour with very limited foam.  Well, you can fit more beer in the glass that way is my reasoning.  Anyway, I just got the Stella hooked up, and becuase of a line that is too narrow (or the pressure is to high, either way), I now give great head.

Now that the sun is back, and the stella is tapped, who wants to throw a pool party?

Delicious Orange Salad with Sesame Chicken

Looks small but plated, this was a 5 course lunch

Okay, this was a stellar salad.  Basically, take that wonderful spicy orange vinegrette from last week, and pour it (not all of it, maybe 3T for this gigantic feast) over a large salad comprised of dandelion green, frisse lettuce, a cut up breast of my world famous Sesame Chicken and a very large (I can only assume) hydropnic tomato.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.  It was awesome.

Pre-emptive St Paddy's Day Food Post: Corned Beef and Cabbage

I like my March 17ths like I like my women: seasonal, cheap and delicious

So, corned beef is on sale right now.  I love this stuff.  Normally it is super expensive but I bought the cut pictured here for $3.  That being said, it is easily the fattiest cut on the market (I have a better one for Wednesday, FYI). 

Corned Beef and Caggabe

This is a classic.  Unfortunately in the US, virtually all of our corned beef comes in bags with seasonings and cooking directions.  This is a quick (relatively) practice run.

Crush 5 cloves of garlice and saute in 2T+ super spicy home made olive oil.  Add an entire bunch of 1/4" thick sliced organic carrots (it seems like a lot).  Soften for 10 minutes.  Add 3p corned beef from cheap bagged beef,  add flavors (see note on bagged flavors below).  Cook with cover on for 15+ minutes.  Flip and cook for 15+ minutes.  Add 4c water and cook for another hour, flipping as required.  Add cut up cabbage 30 minutes before service.

Flavor bag: this is fairly simple: bay leaves, pepper corns, corriander (cilantro) seeds. 

SoCal Sectionals Day 2

Colin and Jaala were back after it for the final WOD today.  Colin came in 14th after two events and Jaala was 9th but she had the bonus knowledge that she was for sure in the top 20, almost no matter what.  How, you ask?  Jaala is a BAMF.  The WODs were so hard yesterday that less than 20 woman finished them Rx'd.  Jaala was one of them.  All she needed to do was to complete the event today and she was on to Regionals.  Colin, on the other hand, had to fight to maintain his top 20 status.

Jaala is a bad ass mutha fucka

Event #3: Max Effort

3 minutes Row for max calories

Rest 3 minutes

3 minutes AMRAP Dead lift (275/185)

Rest 3 minutes

3 minutes accumulate as many seconds of L-sits* with 5 second minimum set

Rest 3 minutes

3 minutes AMRAP Over head squats (95/65)

Rest 3 minutes

Start 6 minute count down, 1 set AMRAP Pull ups (must start with in 5 seconds of start of count down)

When clock hits zero, run 800m

Score is rank in each of the six events, sum the rankings, lowest score wins.

*L-sits were not really L-sits (sorry WBHH).  Rather they were straight legged feet raises with hands on parallettes.  You counted feet together, knees locked, off the ground for this move, not above parallel.

These three events were so hard they crippled animals, I can't even imagine the monsters that will arise from the ashes of the competitors.

SoCal Sectionals Day 1

CFV sent four of our best athletes to compete in some brutal events at Drake Stadium on the UCLA campus to try to become one of the top 20 men and women to move on to regional qualifiers for the twenty oh-ten CrossFit Games.  All four are absolute inspirations: humble, strong, dedicated, focused, relentless, and beastly.  I have a rule for healthy eating called the "Don't eat what that guy eats" rule.  I have a new rule with these four: "Do what they do."

Drake Stadium (UCLA), from the bleachers

Front squat 400#, run a 5.13 mile, row sub 8 2k, clean 385#.  Our heroes today were Colin, Craig, Jaala, and Matt.  Monster, Unbelievable, Unstoppable, Power House. 

Event #1
For Time:
100m Run
Pick up 45# (25#) plate and run up 83 stadium steps (the super horribly design stadium 2.5" high x 8.73" wide bizarre step) and then perform 70 unbroken squats while holding some bizarre 45# object. 
Then run down 83 steps.
35 Push press (45#/ 33#)
Run up 83 steps
15 Thrusters (135#/ 95#) (how much weight?) (Science) (Silence)
Back down 83 steps
35 Burpees (CrossFit is stupid at this point)
Back up
35 Wall Balls (20#/10 and 14#/10)
Back down
70 Double Unders
100m run

Rude. 

Event #2
For lowest working time (A+B):

A: 4RFT
9 Squat Cleans (135#)*
6 Hand Stand Push Ups

*Run 50m to HSPU station, call time after last HSPU in 4th round

Then,

Exactly 20 minutes after the start of Event #2 Part A, perform:

B: As Quickly As Possible
30 Hang Squat Snatches at 75# (Hang = below knees)
30 Chest to Bar Pull Ups
Row 750m

Fuck off, these events are retarded.  Literally. 

Here is the link to the times and scores: http://scores2010.crossfit.com/scoring/south-california/

Orange Vinnegrete

This little dandy is what I would consider "incomplete" on its own, however, I had a very specific salad mind, with very specific heavily flavored ingredients.  I'll tell you how to over come that and "complete" this dressing afterwards.

Combine:

• 4T Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 4T Spicy Olive Oil (the Olio Piccante kind)
• 2T White wine vinegar
• 1T very finely minced shallot
• Salt and Pepper to taste
• Juice from half of an orange

A little sesame seeds and a little paprika and some granulated garlic and it is completed.

Red Cabbage Reprive

Welcome to the second guest creationist on KYFCU.com, Colly (Cole-ee), my roommate's girl friend!  Her given name is Nicole, but I like Colly better.  Anyway, I made that red cabbage slaw a few weeks back, which was based off of my buddy Drew's slaw, that I caught Nicole macking on in the kitchen.  And now we have a great, observable evolution of a dish.  Drew --> Brandon --> Nicole.  Hers was better.  Here how it goes:

Cabbage, scallions, cilantro, salt, pepper, red pepper, apple cider vinegar, with the requiste orange juice, but also with orange and mango slices.  I would cut them up finely too.  The added super sweetness was out of control.  It was like a bizarre vegetable dessert, if you can imagine such a bizarre thing.  I had the option of avocado too.  It would have been a good +fat +fiber choice.

Her version/vision opened my eyes to the cabbage-slaw potential: this could see a breakfast version soon, a picnic version, a BBQ version, a ...  This is a pretty strong dish, best to cut the cabbage super thinly next time.  Maybe let it sit for a few hours too.  This was a pretty cool evolution to witness. 

Addendum: Some people have started trying these recipes and are having some success like this story here.  If you want to, take a pic and drop me a line we can start seeing these evolutions and really start to learn about food here.

Globo Loser 2.0

So, if you avid readers recall from my rambling, angry post some time last Friday regarding this loser, Jason B@rum!n, at LA Fitness Ventura was a real unprofessional jerk to me.  I asked for his supervisor's contact information, it was (reluctantly) given to me in the form of a 1-800 #, with office hours from 9am-6pm M-F.  I asked that Jason to write his name on the card so that there was no confusion as to who I was complaining about when I called the VP.  Jason says, "No." 

What?   

But check this bullshit: I call today, and there is no one listed under this VP's name in their directory.  He basically gave me a bullshit phone number.  What a fucking loser.

Addendum: After calling a membership staffing person and explaining my situation, she actually emailed the VP for me and asked that he call me.  She said it might take 48 hrs.  It took 18 minutes for him to get in contact with me.  He was skeptical at first, but then saw the horror of employing such a loser.  Let's see what happens...

Sesame Chicken

Man, I just tried to dismember a chicken for time (becuase of some recent comments) and I suck at it now.  Back before the days of the Ronco Showtime Roastisserie I was eating tons of home baked chicken and had been cutting these birds up in about 85 seconds with a PR of 71 seconds.

3.42, 3.16

There's no emoticon for the level of shame I currently feel.

Anyway, these aren't even out of the oven, but are going to be re-donk.  Take the following and combine in a mortar and pestle:

• 1T ginger
• 1/2t nutmeg
• 1t black pepper
• 1t paprika
• 2t salt

Then, coat the chicken with them, cover the pieces with sesame seeds, some spicy olive oil, and a little toasted sesame oil.  The pic is a "this is what you should see before putting them in the oven" pic.  Oh yeah, and then bake for 40+ minutes at 400F.

Fajita Ratio

Properly balance fajitas ingredients

I know it sounds weird, but yes, there is a big controversy within the "Big Fajita Lobby".  Despite all culinary evidence to support the ratio of 1:2:2:2:TT of Onion to Bell Peppers to Chicken Breast to Medium Sized Tomato to Various oils with god knows what spices, people refuse to listen!?!  People have been brain washed by the rich mutha effing Onion Lobby that say it should be 1:1:1:1:TT. 

Nonsense.  We all know that, despite the fact that paleo fajitas are the least satisfying paleo subs, the ratio still holds.  One onion to two bell peppers, two chicken breasts, two tomatoes, to various oils and spices to taste!  We all know that fajitas+ flour tortillas + sour cream + MSG = Ecstasy.  So Paleo + 0 = Paleo appreciation of...  I guess that tastes good... 

Il Mio Pollo Pazzo

Lots of life synergy on this one...

Okay, so lots of things will come together here: lower calorie food, very few ingredients for new cooks (RD), paleo pantry material (i.e. foods that can be thrown in the fridge for the week), high protein, can be made from shit at Costco, can be added to fajitas, tacos, eggs, salads, bizarre 'Seafood of the Land' mix & match medelies, lettuce wrapped Paleo versions of your favorites, uhhhh.... and like virtually anything remotely tasting good with salsa or (more likely) Tapatio.

Il Mio Pollo Pazzo (Pronounced Polo)

Mix together equal parts:

• Paprika
• Oregano
• Cumin powder

Plus chicken, of course.  In my "Four Ingredient World" (This is an FYI, RD), I always comp olive oil, salt, pepper, and one stand by ingredient.  If you are cooking Italian, try tomatoes.  If Mexican, try vinegar (apple cider).  I added cayenne pepper for more heat.  Garlic would have passed, etc.  For George Foreman chefs, this is a well used experiment with that $24 spice rack.

Addendum:  Four ingredient meals are the truth, but also the exception.  Try my "Exempt 3+1", and I bet four seems like 4 million.  This flavor may even qualify as complex...

Addendum: blogger be fucking up yo.  What up with dat?

Sage Flavored Snapper, or More Effing Snapper?!?

In a long line of many similar snapper recipes, this finished off my 2+ pound snapper weekend.  These fillets are simply rubbed with salt, black and red pepper, tons of sage, granulated garlic and cooked in previously used oil (from lunch.  Mmmm recycled olive oil).  3+2 minutes and tada!  More fish!  I served this (to myself) with asparagus and that awesome frisse salad.

Frisse Salad with Mayo Dressing

This is super simple, two ingredient dish.  Take frisse lettuce and cut up, toss with Italian Mayonnaise.  I was going to eat this with snapper of course and everyone knows that mayo, lettuce and fish were seriously made for each other.  Crack pepper over this, and enjoy.

Italian Mayonnaise

So this is a little more yellow than Kraft and a little saucier than my original mayo recipe.  But it is re-donk in terms of flavor, and I'm going to parlay this into a lot of different shit right here on the blog.

• Two room temperature egg yolks
• 1 cup of canola oil
• 2T lemon juice/vinegar (I used the juice of 1/2 a lemon + the difference in white wine vinegar)
• 1/2t Ground Mustard
• Salt and pepper to taste

You can add anything to this: sage, basil, sun dried tomatoes, red bell peppers, garlic, cheeses (lots of 'em), horse radish, curry powder, chili powder, chili oil, gorgonzola, goat cheese, cilantro, limes, oranges, grapefruit, cream, Thai chilies, anchovies, etc.  Get real with what you want, and embrace anything.  Recognize your flavor goals and meet them with this base.  Fear not the mayonnaise.

Spicy Mustard Snapper

Post filthy 50 meal.  It was awesome.

Ah, more snapper.  Watch out for another recipe after dinner.  The snapper rub is simply ground mustard, salt, and pepper.  Cook in olive oil, three minutes on one side, flip for two more minutes.  To make the sauce simply mix Louisiana style hot sauce with dijon mustard (a little more mustard than hot sauce).  I served with with 1/2 of a bacon avocado, a sliced up tomato and some cilantro.  It was re-donk.

Dandelion Salad

Dandelion greens are kinda lemony and grow in the park at the top of Day Road

Watch out for dirt on the dandelion greens.  Though they do grow wild, I got these at the farmer's market, and they are cheap as weeds should be.  I diced up a tomato, very thinly sliced half of a shallot, added a scant pinch of minced cilantro , and then tossed with with 6T of toasted sesame dressing, salt and pepper to taste.  Very nice. 

Lemongrass Red Snapper

Lawn Clipping Salad with Snapper

Crush two cloves of garlic and saute them in olive oil with lemongrass, black pepper and a small amount of red pepper.  Rinse and pat dry two snapper fillets (there are cheap, domestic wild caught snapper on sale right now).  Coat with salt, pepper and more lemongrass powder.  Cook for three minutes on the first side, and two minutes on the second side.  Serve with wedge of lemon and dandelion green salad.

Couldn't Do It

I went to CFV and was so fucked up from drugs that I couldn't do the WOD.  I'm over it.  Fuck meds, I'll live with pain and keep doing XFit, sans meds.

Jerk Progression #5
2x3 Back high jerk
3x3 Front high jerk
6x3 Push Press
6x3 Back push jerk

WOD
DNA (Did not attempt) - pre-puke med induced bull shit.

Short Ribs Braised in Balsamic and Tomatoes with Cloves

Finally a new, original paleo recipe that comes out of nowhere!  When I lived in Milano, Italia I was broke as shit.  I was eating canned lentils, tomatoes, and dried pasta seriously 5 times per week.  My protein cravings were through the roof, but I had no money, so when I had two euros to spare I bought as much protein as possible.  People living in the USA have no idea what meat actually costs (we have huge CAFO farms, massively subsidised commodities, etc.), so when I saw things like short ribs on sale I jumped at it.  They sold these ribs at about 2 euro/kilo so I bought a ton of them when I could afford them.

This recipe is a gem and worth trying.

Short Ribs Braised in Balsamic and Tomatoes with Cloves

Rub 3p+ of short beef ribs with lots of salt, pepper, and lots of dried oregano.

Grill them briefly, like 7+ minutes per side on a medium grill.  This is a timing move on my part.  A better move is to pan sear the ribs.  Meanwhile, saute 6 semi-crushed cloves of garlic (pounded to remove skin, but not cut up), one minced medium onion, and 1/2T full cloves in a copious amount of olive oil with salt and pepper to taste (fuck, be careful! there is salt all over your grilled ribs). Once translucent, add a 28 oz can of whole tomatoes (which I cut up), 4T of balsamic vinegar, a 1/2t celery salt, some supplemental water, and bring to boil.  Add ribs.  Simmer slowly for as long as possible.  I'm at 1.5h +, so far so much better.

Addendum:  You can taste cloves, expect that when pairing this dish with anything else (wines, desserts, etc.)

Double Addendum:  I've been eating this as left overs, and I can tell you that this silly little recipe is fucking awesome.  If you went to a fancy Italian restaurant they may still use these gnarly pieces of cheap meat, but I bet they go with higher quality and serve it with a basil and tomato salad, or a clove and cinnamon flavored pumpkin/ butternut squash soup (with lemongrass infused olive oil floaters), chianti, and a spiced dessert. 

Hobo Paleo Hot Wings

I was at the grocery today after Globo and realized that I haven't made spicy wings since I started this blog, and that is actually quite odd, since that was a signature dish of mine.  I was literally famous (depends on the definition of 'famous') on two continents and well over four counties for my "Red Chicken."  BBQ?  Brandon, make the red chicken.  Wedding?  Brandon, make the red chicken.  Graduation?  Shut up Brandon and make the red chicken.  Seriously, it is easily the dish that I am known best for, and I don't think it has even crossed my mind since I started this paleo nonsense.  I'll give you the original and the knock off paleo first attempt (way off base, btw).

The Red Chicken
Take about 6-10p of cut up chicken (wings, or otherwise), and cover it with something called Pappy's Choice Seasoning (http://www.pappyschoice.com/), the Santa Maria style.  [Aside: Jesus, I just checked their website and they are selling that shit for $17/ 32oz.  I was paying $3.35 for that same thing at Costco, FYI.]  It is out of control good on seriously anything.  We did a Thanksgiving Turkey with it.  It is super forgiving and everyone has success with it, and if my memory serves me, is pretty natural (its like seasoned salt).  Cook chicken on a grill till crispy.  Toss with about 5:1 cayenne pepper sauce (Louisiana hot sauce: cayenne pepper, distilled vinegar, salt only) to soy sauce, or worcestershire sauce. 

I never understood what made it work, but it always worked.  Tailgates, bachelor parties (two), super bowls, fourth of julys, and seriously once a week for years and years.  I can't believe I haven't tried to make this yet.

Hobo Paleo Hot Wings
Coat the wings with salt and very coarsely ground pepper, lots of it.  Grill the wings crispy.  Toss with red pepper sauce, dehydrated onions (take it easy on these, or grind them into a powder), granulated garlic, pepper, dijion mustard, and apple cider vinegar mixed together.  The first word that came to mind when I tasted it was 'cute.'  They are good enough to impress novice wing eaters, like the BW3 crowd, but my dehydrated onions sucked the life out of my sauce.  I could eat 3/2 - 2 dozen in about two rounds.  I used to eat 5 dozen of the red ones in one sitting.

Heavy on the Sage Meatball Soup Featuring A Guest Cook!

HOTSMS - By Guest Creationist Stephanie Merino

Last Wednesday Steph took my veggie box off my hands, as I ordered it three weeks ago, but have been struggling to eat all my food since my new roommate doesnt eat my food like Jordan used to.  Anyway, she ended up with a bunch of celery, fingerlings, spinach (to her dismay), garlic, and an onion and asked me, WTF am I going to do with this b#llsh!t?  So I gave her this little recipe, and she made it, and it was good, and she even made it more paleo than my initial suggestion, so she gets to be the first guest cook!  This is a good one too, since it really is two dishes in one.

Heavy Sage Meatballs

I left this kinda up in the air in terms of how to make them.  I suggested tons of fresh and ground sage (i.e. more than bunch per pound of ground pork), almond meal, egg yolks, salt and pepepr to taste.  You could use bread crumbs, or other filler to make them out.  I suggest 'setting' the meat balls in an over (400F for 15-20 minutes) prior to adding it to the soup, but it looks like Steph added them to the crock pot and just cooked them in place.  Either way, all good things.

HOTSMS

Take 4 minced gralic cloves, an onion, the top leaves of a bunch of celery and sweat in olive oil.  Add a pound+ of diced fingerling potatoes (original calls for cannellini beans), 4+ cups of water, 2 bay leaves, and salt and pepper to taste.  Then, when close to service, I would add a bunch of cut up dark greens like kale, collard greens, or mustard greens (spinach in a pinch too).

Citrusy Pork Shoulder

Bad Thai food inspired this dish.  I have two huge pork shoulders and I needed to have some pork with Thai flavors before I go back to work.  This is a super bold flavor, it has to be cooked long and slow.  It is a punch of citrus, backed with spice, and long lasting tartness.  So strong.

The Citrusy Pork Shoulder Rub
In a mortar and pestle, combine 1/2t of paprika, cayenne pepper, cumin, granulated garlic, nutmeg, ginger, and black pepper, 1t of salt, and oregano, and 1T of dehydrated onions.  Mash together.  Slowly add 3T of apple cider vinegar.  Add a touch of olive oil. 

Cover your pork shoulder with this, and rotisseriefor 2.55hr or, cover in foil and bake in coals or bake in oven, this is a strong dish.  Cover with green onions and lime juice.  It is fatty and delicious.

Red Cabbage Slaw

We may have found greatness with this one.  I would be lying if I didn't give a huge shout out to my ulcer ridden friend TDFPT for inspiring this dish.  His was pre-shredded cabbage (green, red with carrots), honey, apple cider vinegar, red bell pepper, salt, pepper, and organic BBQ sauce.  I write a Paleo blog, so I had to paleo this dish.

Red Cabbage Slaw
Take a very, very small head of red cabbage and shred.  Take one red bell pepper and Julianne.  Finely slice two scallions.  Coarsely chop cilantro.  Combine in a bowl, sprinkle with crushed red pepper, salt and fresh cracked pepper.  Cover with the juice of a whole, large orange, 4T of apple cider vinegar, and spicy olive oil.  Toss until well coated.  This is simply fantastic, and is a super strong base for greater dishes.

Greater Dishes
Add sauteed golden beets to this dish.  Add a horseradish component somehow.  Add goat cheese somehow.  Add all three and you will have a masterpiece.  I served this with a bomb pork shoulder with a lime-green onion garnish and it was out of control.

Addendum: Drew served his with a spicy sausage on a toasted kaiser roll.  It was delicious.

Orange Beef Curry

This is kinda neat.  This is just a standard red curry like I've posted here before, this time made with onions, Napa cabbage, beef, coconut milk, fish sauce, and carrots, so nothing too special, right?  Wrong. 

Oranges are cheap and delicious right now (<$0.50/lb) so I got a huge bag of them, and so you, the reader, gets some weird curried oranges.  I just quartered one and threw it (no squeezing) in when I was sauting the carrots and onion.  This gave a super subtle orange flavor at the back end of every bite.  And becuase of that, if you garnish with lime wedges (also cheap, like 6 for $1), you can have two seperate, distinct citrus flavors in one bite.  Very interesting.

Quick Paleo Beef Marinade

I was in a pinch before the Super Bowl, so I cut off a three pound piece of beef and covered it in the following rub/marinade an hour before kick off.  It is super delicious on super rare beef.

• 1t paprika
• 1t cayenne pepper
• 1t granulated garlic
• 3t dehydrated onion
• 1t salt
• 1t pepper

Mix together in a mortar and pestle.  Completely and heavily coat huge piece of beef.  Throw into gallon sized storage bag, add a couple T (three?) of apple cider vinegar, a few T of olive oil and a splash of water.  Rare cooking is off-heat in a 400-450 degree bbq (oven like) environment, medium rare is +30 minutes (and totally a waste of beef).

The Great Golden Beet Salad

Sorry I don't have a picture for this one, I honestly didn't think that I would get a post out of it, but I did, so here it is,

Golden Beat and Atrichoke Heart Salad
Take 4 or 5 golden beets, romove leaves, and clean.  Cut into bite size pieces.  Saute for 15-20 minutes in olive oil with lots of fresh cracked pepper.
Meanwhile, cut stems off of atrichokes, remove outer leaves and cut top off remaining leaves.  In a cup or two of Paleo Broth (celery salt, bay leaves, pepper), simmer/steam two whole artichokes (I eat them then save the hearts).

Cool both of those items.

Cut up a head of bib lettuce, throw it in a bowl with the cooled ingredients, cover with some lemon juice and my world famous Toasted Sesame Seed dressing. 

The CFO of my company tried this, and then came back 5 minutes later and ate my entire meal!

Kale and Ham

Remember that pulled ham? It lends itself extremely well to making other dishes. Here is an easy one. Take about 6 cloves of garlic, saute in olive oil, add a bunch of cut up kale with crushed red pepper and saute. Add as much ham as you like (remember, I had like 10 pounds of this). Heat and eat, it is delish.

Pulled Hammie: Food Version 1.0

So this is a step outside of the traditional Ham box. This was universally recieved as unique and useful. Not profound like my last ham, but so unique and so versital, tasty, spicy, and applicable that you will see a few extra recipes with it in it.

Pulled Ham

Take a smoked ham (not spiral cut, not covered in syrup, etc.) and cut largely from bone into huge chunks. Cover in black pepper and grill until fat is crisp. Cut pieces even further. Place into crock pot with bay leaves, pepper corn, tamarind (about a cup), mustard, chili pepper, garlic, leeks and water. I cooked it on "low" for 12+ hours and on "warm" for another couple hours. Pull apart with forks.

It is awesome and it works with tons of other stuff, as you will see shortly. Think outside the roastiserie.

The Perfect Ribs

Okay, so without futher ado, here is my best shot at making it as a BBQ guy. My buddy Dave ate these things for an hour straight, it was amazing. But I'm seriously, this is the third pass at this sauce for me, coupled with solid cooking fundementals, and then taken to 11. I think I had 4 or 5 people say that they were the best ribs that they had ever had. Ribs are fairly common, this is paleo, so that is a huge compliment. I used 10-11p of pork spare ribs for this recipe.

The Marinade: Water
Be virtuous in all that you do. Strive for 11. If you are going to make a sweet painting, you prime the canvas. So too when you are setting out for a master piece on the pork canvas of life, you must prime your carcas. Here is how you do it: brine.

Take about 3q+ of water and add 1/4c of rock salt to it. Now, the rules of saturation and dissolution will dominate this step, so if you want to remain sane while waiting for the salt to dissolve, you must heat water gently until the salt is suspended in the solution. This gives you a great opprotunity to add a couple bay leaves, full peppercorns, and olive oil to the water. Heat until salt crystals are completely dissolved. Remove from heat. Submerge ribs in water for at least 8 hours. This is what we call brining, its a water based marinade that, via osmosis (the absorption of liquid through membranes), a more tender piece of meat is created.

The Grill
This is no small part. Ideally the grill should be a charcol or a straight oak-log grill. Seriously guys, propane will not do what is intended for this dish. I made Drew, Dave and the Ninos drive almost 2/3 of a mile to get charcol for this one (each way!!!!!). If you want the same taste, you need to add crushed oregano, double the cumin, cut the vinegar, and somehow add a citrus to the water marinade at the end. Just get a charcol grill.

The Cooking
Cook on Weber, covered, with good smoke flow, no visible flames, for 45 minutes per side. Rotate positions as needed for uniformity. Baste in the sauce after cooking each side.

The Sauce
Um, this one will turn heads. Add 4+T tamarind to 1+T dijion mustard, a small amount of chipotle oil or powdered chipotle pepper, also add a decent amount of dehydrated onion, 1t granulated garlic, chili-garlic sauce, 1/2t stale black pepper, salt TT, a few T of apple cider vineager, 1/2t cumin. Sprimkle with cinnamon. Thin out with olive oil. Seriously, thin that shit out.

This is the second serious point in this sauce though: TT means: To Taste. + means: around this amount, maybe more, taste then add. Decent amount: go heavy until you think its too much. A few means: 1+TT. Seriously.

The Parting Words
I actually got text messages about these ribs. Thats pretty amazing since I cooked them and was there when they were served fresh.

WOD Schedule for Next Week

So, it seems like me and some of my favortie people (JS) are missing each other all the time at CFV thanks to the new hours/ rules. I figured I'd post ahead of time in hopes of increasing the chances of cross scheduling our crossfitting. Colin and I talked and this looks like what I will try to lock into going forward, assuming no travelling or injuries, etc.

Sunday: CFV, 10.00
Monday: Dot Com/ CFV Make Up/ Manatee WOD at Globo or track or equivalent
Tuesday: Rest/ Active Rest
Wednesday: CFV, 18.00
Thursday: CFV, 18.00
Friday: Dot Com/ CFV Make Up/ Manatee WOD at Globo or track or equivalent
Saturday: Rest/ Active Rest

This work well since getting the 18.00 Monday class is super hard, and I want to get the most of my Manatee WODs, which I can re-program after seeing how CJ and WBHH fuck us up the days prior.

Also, that thursday lunch WOD is a possibility.

Pork Chops w Awesome Sauce

These were just two baby pork chops cooked on a cast iron pan, but the sauce was awesome. Very casually throw together a few spoonfuls tamanrind sauce, a squeeze of dijion, a decent amount of chipotle oil, and a spoonful of garlic chili sauce. Season both chops and sauce with salt and pepper and baste after each side is cooked. Cook in olive oil with four minced garlic cloves for ten minutes on the first side, five-ish on the second. This was out of this world. I served with with sauted sweet potatoes covered in cinamonn, also good.

Fresh Wild Yellow Fin Salad

Fuck, sometimes going paleo pays for itself. If you rock Paleo well, you eat like a king and you see huge benefits. And then the people who see your paleo benefits and also kick ass on it sometimes then they give you rewards.

Remember when Karma smiled on me? She kept it up today. My friend Carol dropped a huge piece of freshly caught yellow fin tuna on me today! The only thing to do? Cook the new roommate a ridiculous meal. Thanks Care, and Dave: here is how you sear tuna.

Fresh Wild Yellow Fin Salad
Cut a huge chunk of tuna off. Mine was like three inches on a side (cubes are great, mine had 5 sides). Coat in a substantial amount of olive oil. Make a rub for your tuna: With a mortar and pestle, grind up so whole black peppercorns. Add coarse sea salt and 3/4t ground ginger, combine. Rub liberally all over oiled up fish. Sprinkle sesame seeds over fish. Take a skillet and coat bottom liberally with olive oil (stainless would be best, but I used a Teflon pan). Heat until oil is just beginning to smoke (this is much higher heat than normally recommended for olive oil). Sear for 20 seconds per side, no more than 1.40m. Chill immediately! Put it on a plate in fridge to stop cooking.

Make a salad. I made a bib lettuce and arugula salad tossed in my favorite sesame seed dressing. I then took the tossed salad, plated it, and covered it with Roma tomatoes, thinly sliced red onion, and each plate got a thinly sliced Thai chili. Sprinkle with coarse ground pepper and salt. Go get that tuna hunk.

Thinly slice tuna (I might add that I did a horrible job with this step, this means that I need to practice, that means that I need more "Huge Tuna Donations" from loyal readers. Thanks again Care, this was awesome). Place over salad.

This was a pretty impressive first impression for me to make on the new roommie, and Carol and the Karma Gods (did I just come up with a new band name) smiled on me.

Farmer Fresh to You! Italian Veggie Dream

• Onion
• Garlic
• Cauliflower
• Brocolli
• 2 Artichokes
• 2 Bunches Asparagus
• Arugola
• Mint
• Lemon
• 2 Boxes Raspberries
• 5 Kiwis
• 2 Avocados
• 2 Parsnips
• Purple Grapes

Awesome box again. So many Italian flavors, I wish I could make pasta sauce...

Farmer Fresh To You
2055 San Onofre Drive
Camarillo California 93012
United States of America

Soup a la Denmark

Umm, this isn't Danish. Rather, the friends I made from Denmark always told me that when they made soup they always used whatever leftovers they had in their fridge ('Just throw it all in a pot.' my friend Sissin would say). This act of "Grab and Toss" is what I have done, and, unfortunately, I misdiagnosed my peas in my Farmer Fresh box (the peas were shelling peas), and hence, not Paleo. So, although I designed this Danish Soup with Paleo intentions, it wasn't meant to be, first time ever for me, fuck, what happened to me?

This is excellent and I can't believe the peas cost me a paleo title, there was less than a handful in this entire recipe.

Take 4 minced cloves, a huge pinch of red pepper, and lots of olive oil and saute. Add 1/2T celery salt. Add have of fresh oregano bunch from FFTY box. Add finely diced onion. Cut up bunch of white carrots into rounds, add. Cut up a pound of fingerling potatoes, add. Saute for ten minutes. Add four cups water and 4 bay leaves, bring to boil. Reduce to simmer. Cut each of 6 Roma tomatoes into sixteen pieces and add. Continue to simmer. Cut about 1.5p turkey into bite sized pieces, add, boil and simmer. Add two cups water. Add shelled peas and bring to boil. Simmer for 15 minutes. Remove bay leaves and serve.

Home Made Jerky

This was my big holiday present, it took me a while to locate a slicer but here is my first home made jerky.

Take 2+p of lean beef (super key, you probably don't want a bunch of fat on your jerkey) slice 1/4" pieces, coat in salt, pepper and/or crushed red pepper. Set to high and dehydrate for 9 hours.

It tastes good (more like steak), and very different than globostore bought MSG brand jerkey. I will have to figure this one out and let y'all know.

Strawberry and Beet Salad

This one goes out to my guy Seth in IC, keep thrusting towards the heating ducts.

Take bib lettuce, add cut up strawberries, baked white beets (let cool somewhat), and cover with my Balsamic vinaigrette. Season with salt and pepper. Easy, and so good even children love it.

Baked White Beets

This is easy: slice beets to about 1/4-3/8", coat in olive oil and salt. Crack fresh pepper over beets and roast at 350F for 35 minutes. I used these in the salad to follow, but you can use them for anything you want, or just eat them as is. I didn't do much to these since I knew I was going to pair them with my Balsamic dressing.

Cabbage Scramble

I have been thinking about the balance aspect of my diet and want to try to bring that to the forefront of my mind while making food. I'm not a "Zone-Guy" but it is an easy way to analyze proportions and volume. Here is my first attempt.

3 eggs - 3P
2 Strips Bacon -7.5F
2 Roma Tomatoes - .75C
Cabbage - .5C
Onion - .5C
2 Thai Chilies - ?

Totals - 3P, 7.5F, 1.75C

Is that balanced? I don't know. I feel great after eating that, no hunger, discomfort, etc. Its kind eye opening in the proportions that I naturally choose are a 2-3x fat, 1/2x carbs.

Cauliflower Bacon Medley

The concept of this dish was super hard for me to come to grips with. It basically came down to this: I had a head of cauliflower that I wanted to eat, I have a fully cooked turkey with no one to help me eat it, what the fuck am I going to do with them? Granted that's not the best picture, and this dish has some major issues (what I would consider issues, not what most people consider issues), but it is tasty, easy to make, and just used my whole head of cauliflower and 13oz of turkey.

Cauliflower Bacon Medley

Simmer a whole head of cauliflower flowerettes in 1 cup of Brandon's Paleo Broth, cover, cook until tender, strain. In another pan cook some cut up, chorizo-spiced bacon. I used three pieces because I thought they would poor out fat, but they didn't and I needed that fat to cook the following ingredients: 1/2 thinly sliced red onion, two cloves garlic, 13oz turkey. 6-7 slices would have done it. Maybe the turkey was just over cooked and soaked up all the fat, but either way, as soon as I added the turkey to the bacon/onion/garlic it dried up on me. I added some olive oil, salt, pepper, and red pepper (late addition for me, I'm trying new things too). Add cauliflower, stir. Again, I had to add more chorizo spice and olive oil. Simmer briefly and eat.

Cut your cauliflower pieces into bite size pieces, I left mine huge, forgetting that tender cauliflower doesn't cut with a fork.

Spicy Italian Turkey

Heres the rub:

• 1t Thyme, basil, oregano, rosemary, salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper
• 1/2t Ground sage, and granulated garlic.

Rotate and heat for 3+ hours. This rub is based on the type of seasoning found on high end deli meats. The beauty for me is that this bird was like $8 for 15+ pounds, not 10$/p like at the deli counter!

Addendum: My buddy Matt absolutely loved this turkey reheated. It was retarded good, you'll see it in the Danish Soup recipe too, it may have made the soup too.

Farmer Fresh to You is Back

After weeks of Jordan trying to play home maker and the holidays, maybe some sanity can return to my life of air squats and vegetables.
This weeks provisions:

• 6 Tangerines
• Red onion
• Garlic
• Lemon
• Fingerling potatoes
• 2 Baskets of strawberries
• 1 Basket of blueberries
• Bib lettuce
• 4 Large white beets (huh?)
• 1 Large bunch of white carrots
• Fresh oregano
• Snap Peas
• 14 Roma tomatoes

I'm very happy with this spread this week and can't wait to get my routine/ life back in order and start making balanced meals again.

Farmer Fresh To You
2055 San Onofre Drive
Camarillo California 93012
www.farmerfreshtoyou.net