Formulaic Beef Cakes

Burgers with no buns are not burgers. Say it with me, Beef Cake! Beef Cake!

Gourmet burgers are one of the easiest things in the world to make. The biggest reason is the commonly accepted burger is of such low fucking quality its laughable. But seriously think about how shitty the last ten burgers you have had were? Were they all great/ memorable/ notable? Were a few/all of them fast food? In 'n Out and The Hamburger Habit are still fast food, guys. Generally shitty right?

Gourmet burgers are one of the easiest things in the world to make. Seriously, just add something to the general beef burger you are used to: avocado, something other than one slice of american cheese, some simple take on a veggie like mushrooms. Add some bizarre sauce, and if you can, add a gimmick and you are a fucking burger genius. If you are crazy, use something other than frozen CAFO beef.

Look at the alpha burger from In 'n Out. Formulaic. Freak veggie : grilled onions (easy) + Bizarre sauce : thousand island (easy) + gimmick : twice fresh meat and cheese (really?), unfrozen CAFO beef = Double Double "Animal" Style. Easy as pie right? Actually, maybe five times easier. Here is my Formulaic Beef Cake.

The Formulaic Beef Cake:

Gimmick: Onions two ways, grilled and fresh, mixed into the burger meat

Add Something: Green onions to the veggie bed the cakes sit on

Cheese: None. (Tricky, this one)

Bizarre Simple Veggie: Grilled Kale (blanched, smothered in red wine vinegar and seasoned)

Special Sauce: Tamarind in the grilled onion and celery leaves which are added to the beef

Other than frozen CAFO beef: Pasture Raised local ground beef (2#!)

Over reaching goal: lumps of meat that taste awesome with a paleo mindset and crab-cake like texture and awesomeness. I added an egg and almond meal: mission accomplished.

I personally think these are the best burge..... beef cakes I have ever made. What is stupid about writing an honest, reader non-supported, paleo blog is that the retrospect (while comedic) has somewhat diminished what I once though remarkable, but now seems childish. Thanks, pedantic brain!

Okay, so you now have the simple formula. Go make some Beef Cakes! Don't be a 90# weakling! Beef cake, beef cake!!